My advice to you

'Okay, tonight I AM giving advice.'

Good evening everyone. Hope you've had a good Wednesday. I was pleasantly busy with errands and phone calls.

In the last few days I've received several heartbreaking messages. They've come from regular people like you and me. Some have been betrayed by their loved ones; others are dear friends of those who have been betrayed.

As I relax here at home this evening, a full 17 months into my recovery, I know a great deal more today than I did when I first learned of my ex's adultery. How a person copes with betrayal will depend on what stage of recovery he or she is at. If it has just happened, you're undoubtedly still in shock and quite possibly blaming yourself. If you're a few months into it, you're beginning to accept your new reality. If you're a year into it, YOU STILL HAVE ONLY HEALED A VERY LITTLE BIT!

That's how brutal this pain is. It takes a very long time to grieve the loss of your relationship and to find a 'new normal.'

My advice, if I may, is to PLEASE stop beating yourself up. PLEASE be extremely kind to yourself. PLEASE be patient, and only do what you have to do today. PLEASE don't judge yourself for grieving. PLEASE stop expecting the betrayer to somehow miraculously change his/her ways.

To this day, the greatest gift my ex gave me when he committed adultery was he showed me 'who he was'. It certainly didn't make what happened any less painful. It did however confirm that I did not lose a Prince. I never had one.

Just about to pull a lasagna out of the over for dinner! My homes smells like the Sicilian Pasta Kitchen. It's positively marvellous!